Kitchen Klutzes Unite

by Chewy

June 15th, which lands on a Friday this year, just happens to be one of the more colorful and whimsical culinary celebrations. It’s Kitchen Klutzes of America Day. If you’ve ever even been in a kitchen, you must have a story that is worthy of noting on this day.  Even those of us who think we’ve mastered our way around small appliances, a myriad of ingredients and several cooking techniques, have found ourselves slapping the forehead over a “duh” moment.

My latest entry in this department happened only weeks ago. Making my famous brownies (the recipe is in a sealed envelope only to be opened upon my death) for the umpteenth time, I gathered, arranged and started blending ingredients. I was taught to crack eggs into a bowl and then add them to the batter. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first is to make sure there is nothing wrong with the egg. The second is for exactly what happened. Using my trusty Oster stand mixer on full power, I cracked the egg and proceeded to drop egg and shell into the batter. The savvy person would have pushed the “stop” button on the machine and picked out the shell. The “klutz” that was actually present tried to fish them out with her fingers while trying to avoid the whirring beaters. This inane maneuver only hastened the shell’s journey into the beaters resulting in shell fragments becoming completely incorporated into the batter.  Brings new meaning to the term “shell shocked”.

photo by ravasolix

Happily, I have plenty of company. Perhaps you know someone who manages to set off the fire alarm during frequent forays into the kitchen (Raise you hand if you’ve done this and notice that mine is up.). Ever set fire to the oven? Does the family know the fire department on a first name basis? Ever confuse sugar with salt, baking powder for baking soda or cinnamon for chili powder? Ever misread the recipe and mentally transpose ingredient amounts ( 1 teaspoon mysteriously becomes 1 cup)?  Ever gotten creative with kitchen utensils and discovered those warning labels are there for a reason? Ever forgotten to turn on the oven and “roasted” a raw turkey for 4 hours? Then hold your head high, this day’s for you.

Here are some delightful real life experiences, either amusing anecdotes or life lessons, to ponder.

This day is for the mom who cut herself in a knife-skills class she was given as a gift so that she’d learn to stop cutting herself in the kitchen.

This day is for the hopeful pumpkin pie maker who tossed a pumpkin down the stairs as a last resort after unsuccessfully trying to slice it with a knife. This falls under “creative utensils” .

This day is for the culinary artiste who made cornbread and couldn’t figure out why it was white instead of yellow. She’d forgotten to put in the cornmeal.

This day is for the person who had a “shattering” experience when she placed the cold casserole dish in the preheated oven. Appears she missed the step where she was to bring it to room temperature first.

My favorite comes from an individual who decided to reheat tortilla chips with his left over Mexican meal. A little soggy,  he deemed the toaster oven as a perfect way to dry them out and restore crunch. Placing the chips in the toaster oven and hitting the toaster button, success was imminent. A minute later, the chips caught fire and flames were pouring out of the oven and up the cabinet. Grabbing the fire extinguisher and pulling the trigger resulted in the discovery that it was empty. Flames are growing, fire alarms are blaring, dogs barking and security people are trying to talk to him through the alarm speaker system. Now what? He couldn’t use water on a plugged in appliance and he couldn’t reach the plug for the flames. Grabbing a bag of flour and dumping finally put the fire out. All evidence was covered up with a brand new toaster oven, a thorough scrub down of kitchen and repainting of cabinet. I counted 17 lessons we can learn from this account.
So what is the best way to celebrate this day? Select your favorite restaurant, make a reservation and stay OUT of the kitchen!