Fruit of the Vine

by Chewy

You planted the garden, composted responsibly and spread that fertile gold around the sprouting plants. Now that they have pushed above ground they are open season for squirrels, chipmunks and slugs. Trapping slugs is fun. All you have to do is finish off most of a can of beer and place in the garden. Trapping the rodentia  is pointless. If you don’t take them far enough they find their way home (why they didn‘t use them during the war instead of homing pigeons, I‘ll never know). If you do manage to get visas for them and send them to Canada, their relatives  take advantage of the abandoned quarters. I suggest standing guard with a pea sling shot. It doesn’t kill them, it just reinforces the negative consequences of crossing the line. Kind of like a dog and a rolled up newspaper.

Pest problem solved, you devoutly water and weed, and soon little blossoms and produce appear. Then one day, as you proudly peruse plot, you realize things have gotten out of hand and you are facing massive amounts of ripened yield. Torpedo zucchinis, vines of cucumbers,  bushes of tomatoes, sweet peppers, jalapenos and eggplants. What is a gardener to do?  Make dessert of course!

What, you say? These are vegetables! Oh, contraire mi amour, these are FRIUTS.  Being the helpful person that I am, I am sharing the "fruits" of my research to lighten your garden burden.

The first comes from my own kitchen, Zucchini Crisp. This is particularly appropriate for those zucchinis that “get away from you” and attain lethal weapon status. I have never served this dessert and had anyone correctly guess it’s main ingredient. You and your guests will swear you are eating an apple crisp.


The next on the list are cucumbers. When I think of summer cucumbers, my mind wanders to that delicious and refreshing cold cucumber and yogurt soup.  So it comes as no surprise that they make a delicious and refreshing sorbet as well (see Cucumber Sorbet). Yet another opportunity to use my Cuisinart Ice Cream maker (Tired of me fawning over this appliance yet?).

Tomato crops seem to fall into two groups. Those partially eaten by vermin resulting in compost fodder, and those that reproduce like rabbits resulting in bags of them being left anonymously on neighbors doorsteps ( along with that zuke with a glandular problem). What’s needed is a recipe for Sweet Baked Tomatoes. Dried fruits, nuts, spices and honey are used to enhance this red berry (botanically speaking).

When ever I have cultivated jalapenos, they all seem to arrive at once and reproduce immediately after harvesting. The interesting thing about hot peppers is that adding sugar tempers the heat and you end up with an interesting flavor combination with just a little warmth at the end.  I managed to find a recipe that combines a couple of traditional  favorites. Dubbed Jalapeno Happiness Dessert, it’s a jalapeno pepper, stuffed with peanut butter and covered in chocolate. I can not wait to try this!

 Not to be left out are the sweet peppers. Sweet Pepper Upside Down Cake uses the attributes of butter, spices, sugars and cornmeal to make a dense dessert. No heat here, it’s sweet all the way.

Finally, we come to eggplant. It’s purple, my favorite color, so it had to get a mention. A far cry from the parmesan rendition, the Spicy Eggplant Cake delights with nuts, honey, sugar, spices, white and whole wheat flours. Topping it all off is a light cream cheese frosting.

All these recipes can be found on the website under recipes. My hope it that some of these will make it to your table and be enjoyed. I would love to hear any of your experiences and opinions and I promise to get back to you on that Jalapeno Happiness Dessert!